q&a: hook-ups, queefing and condoms

Hey loves! Here’s a quick Q&A inspired by University of Redlands Students.

What’s the best way to initiate a hookup?

Solid question! Hookups (especially in a close-knit community) can be super complicated. Here’s a few steps you can take to make sure everyone is happy and healthy 🙂

The first one is COMMUNICATE!

Good sex starts with good communication. The first step I would recommend to initiate a hookup is let the person know what you want. Once you establish that both people are interested, it’s a good idea to talk about expectations.

A few things to keep in mind for this convo:

  • What’s your definition of hookup? For some people it could mean make out session and for others it could be sex of some sort. Be specific!
  • Is this a one time event? Are there feelings involved?
  • What are you into?
  • What aren’t you into?

Be sure to keep communication open for the WHOLE time you are even considering hooking up with someone.

Scarleteen’s “Yes, No, Maybe So” checklist is super helpful in facilitating any sort of conversation about boundaries, kinks, relationships, sex, etc. I encourage everyone to at least take a look at it regardless of relationship or hookup status. Coming from a super passive person, it’s great for self-advocacy and boundary setting.

Second step is to be safe!

Safety definitely means using protection! Be sure to use condoms or dental dams. You can get them online or at almost any store.

Safety also means being careful with substance use. That being said, shit happens. As always, NEVER assume consent. Your partner must be able to say yes free of coercion. If there’s any doubt, just wait. It’s never worth the risk and sex is still fun sober!

Queefing? Why?! How do I make it not happen?

Queefing happens when a pocket of air is forced out of the vagina. Simple as that! It can happen during sex, exercise, childbirth, or anywhere in between. Some doctors suggest kegels, but there’s no official fix. Don’t stress, they’re totally normal 🙂

Where do I buy non-lube condoms?

Most stores that sell condoms will have both lubricated and non-lubricated options. You can also buy them online. Just check the labels! Be aware that if you are using non-lubricated condoms for vaginal or anal sex, it is recommended to pair them with water or silicone based lubricants.

Hope this was helpful. If you have questions, send them my way and I can do another post like this!

Every good wish,

Julia

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